He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize