Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
