dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
