the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
ok first of all what the fuck
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize