weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
