Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
