She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
