I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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