Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
