One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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