I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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