I cut my penus on the lid.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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