They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I smell like Dick and happiness
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
