I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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