Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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