all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
