I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's just like the Real World with babies
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
