Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
