I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
