yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
