I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
