Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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