So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
