She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
