Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
