im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
