I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
