I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
