Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
