She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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