and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
