I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
