You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Found your dick twin last night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
