Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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