Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
