My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
