I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
