Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize