i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
my liver is dry heaving
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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