He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
