so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
