I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
