; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You're like the curious george of whores
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
