did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
