P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You made out with two different species that night
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
