rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
