i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You took a bar mat shot.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
