woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
