Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
