I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
