i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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