I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize