I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
