i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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