I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I seem to have left my pride at pride
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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