we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
