I need help removing her.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
