Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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