it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize