well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
