Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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