Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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