she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
