All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize