She is in my trunk
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She said her name was "party"
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
