My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
