Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
