I'm going to jail i love you
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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