Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
