My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
