well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
do herpes really smell.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
