I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
