Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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