pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
