i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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