Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
