Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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