I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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