She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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