Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
