its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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