I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
