nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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