Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
